ME to ME: ”shut up for a moment” /nice voice just whispering this in my ear, with best possible intentions/
“When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him.
He has million reasons for being anywhere.
Just ask him.
If you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there, how he forgot where he was going, and then he woke up.
If you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was angel or dreamt of being perfect.
And then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he’d realised the world isn’t perfect. We are flawed because we want so much more.
We’re ruined because we get this things and wish for what we had. “
/MAD MAN, Netflix 2007-2015/
It was in a split second that I saw in most raw possible way how important it is for me to SHUT UP my emotions when necessary.
Before I continue I want to point out that this is the way I experience this life, this world that I live in! I call it the “Privileged world”- and I think there is a lot of us living there!
I was born in environment that gave me everything I truly need, it still gives me (too much)! And it is funny how at the end we still feel trapped in this Privileged life.
As my dad says:
“we all suffer through our lives. But it is easier to suffer in BMW than in YUGO”
– we laugh every time he says that – and this is how I want you to read ME – I would say I am a happy sufferer (haha) you know, when you are caught in your thoughts so deep that on one point you just start laughing, cos’ it just doesn’t make sense anymore and you realise that you LOVE to LIVE!
Do you ever think what it means to be truly responsible in life?
Just take your shoes off, go and walk without them – i tried – In that instant moment I was more free than before, when I could step anywhere I wanted with my shoes on. With my shoes I don’t feel the ground, I just go and step where ever I feel like. But with my baby bare feet I had to think where to step, where is my place – because I realised it is not my right to step wherever I want – but they made us this way – they put in our brain that we deserve all of that, even if that means to step and kill – to never think truly where is your place and how to respect that and others. And the same goes with emotions. I always feel whatever rises inside me and I don’t hide that from me. I feel the feeling, to experience everything, it’s necessary – but to act on it, this is another thing!
This is the thing that makes a difference!
Thing that we have to master!
“My emotions are too big for me” – I took those words from Louise Bourgeois – I understood immediately what she meant by that. We have to know that we are not alone, it is not just ME ME ME, because believe ME, at the end of the day YOU are not enough to yourself. You need other souls around you. Maybe just as little as to feel that presence of them, so that you have witness to your life – and with that comes that true responsibility that you need to take to be f****** human. It is not your right to walk everywhere, even if you feel that you deserve it cos you really worked hard! – who gives a f*** how much you worked if that means killing others along the way.
Don’t understand this words like I am kind of priest, cos I am most definitely not. All the things I write about – I DID THEM along the way. Usually non intentionally, but at the end it doesn’t make difference.
It is easy to live in the “ignorance box”. It is comfortable. Been there, done that.Every time I live this box I feel I would prefer to stay inside. But I push myself to go out and every time I return to my box I make it a bit bigger. I do some holes into fake walls that can easily be destroyed with one heavy rainfall.
da.da 